Some Words on Growth, Grief, and a Third G-Word
I've been thinking a lot about getting old.
The bands I grew up loving are old. Some of them are still going strong, some should have maybe quit awhile ago, while others I had to let go of too early.
My body is getting old. Getting out of a chair sounds like a string of firecrackers going off as I stretch my limbs and say "ow, my back!". Oh, you slept wrong? Good luck moving your head for the next week. Loser.
My friends are getting old. My 15 year class reunion loomed on the horizon for months, and there's nothing like realizing you've known some of those people for almost your whole life. Some of them have been there for your highest highs and lowest lows; others peaced out when things got hard or uncomfy. It's a rollercoaster.
My family is getting old. The cousins I used to babysit are married, having kids, being whole adults (!!!) and there are births and deaths and weddings and birthdays and holidays and and and and
BREATHE
Alright, I've snapped out of my spiral. Back to business.
The weird thing about getting old is that it doesn't stop. No matter how bad of a day you've had, the world doesn't stop spinning. No matter how many times we wish on 11:11 or the first star we see at night, the years start comin' and they don't stop comin'.
But you know what's cool about that? Time doesn't stop. No matter how bad of a day you've had, there's always another one. Another chance to try, to be better, to do something different or new.
While I might throw out my back by sneezing too hard, I can also grow a little. So it's a net neutral.
I promised you three g-words in this post, and the second is grief. One of my all-time favorite actors, Andrew Garfield, talked about his grief in a beautiful way (you can skip to the 4:45 mark if you're pressed for time). As he says it, grief is the unexpressed love we didn't get to share. Grief is the price we pay for love, and grief and growth go hand in hand.
It's natural for us to grieve the time as it passes by, or the loss of someone or something we cared about, or changes in our lives. We all will grieve for something, and it shows up in a million ways. In a lot of ways, grief is the by-product of growth and while no one wants the bad with the good, they're both necessary and natural.
So what's the third g-word? Well, for me right now its "good".
The last 4ish months have been...weird, to say the least. We:
- found out I would be out of a job at the end of June
- celebrated my 33rd birthday
- celebrated my daughter's 10th birthday 🥹
- celebrated 11 years of marriage
- celebrated 5 birthdays in September 🫠
- have been navigating unemployment, going back to school, and still providing a great life for our kids
This list isn't comprehensive, but overall, it's been good. Not like "I'd love to do this every single year" good. More like "I needed things to change and these experiences have been tough, but good" good. Grood? Grood.
If you've been following along with me for awhile, you know I'm a big fan of lofi hip-hop, or even just lofi in general. I listen to it when I need to focus, when I'm winding down, or doing mellow household chores. Besides being great background noise and making me feel warm and cozy, I really enjoy lofi hip-hop on YouTube specifically. Why?
Open up any one of these videos and see if you can find a pattern:
T O K Y O (Rainy Lofi Hip-Hop)
Besides the nice art and mellow music, what did you notice?
The comments section is SO NICE. The lofi community on YouTube just decided somehow to leave nice wishes, poems, or encouragement to random strangers on the internet. We've got people out here being kind to people they'll never meet, and I love it.
Reading through these when playing a video has become a little ritual for me. I've never pulled up one of these videos and felt bad after, because it reminds me that there are plenty of us out there trying to be kinder, better, and healthier people.
And if that isn't "good", I don't know what is.
OH
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